The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy has a new publication, Rethinking Responsibility: Reflections on Sex and Accountability. The booklet isn’t written for teens and young adults, whose sexual behavior is the focus of concern, but for the adults who raise, educate, nurture and influence them. My first reaction after a quick perusal was, “What’s new? This is well traveled ground.” But I’ve changed my mind after more careful reading and reflection.
In various ways the thirty essay writers tell us a truth that is worth telling (even if it isn’t new) and worth hearing from a diverse group of people, conservative, liberal and in the middle. It is this: that in order to guide the young towards decisions will maximize their chances for successful adulthood, for joy, satisfaction and health, we adults must be self-reflective, honest, and deliberate about what we are communicating to our young people, communicating not just in words, and lessons, but in our own conduct. We ourselves must take responsibility for the injurious lessons young people have been learning and copying from the world around them, whether we’ve intended these lessons or not. We have to ask ourselves whether we are role models in whom young people can see the kind of personal responsibility we want them to have.
The message isn’t to be perfect, but to accept in the fullest possible way the adult task of guiding the next generation. Many of the essays describe the need for honest and direct communication to young people. To do that, we adults must first think, and think for ourselves, about sex, relationships, and intimacy, and get clear about our values, expectations, and standards, about the guidance we want to give and about how we will share the impacts and lessons of our mistakes and failures. I think back to the father of the pregnant young man in the film Knocked Up whose only response to his son’s request for advice was something like, “Why ask me? I’ve been married three times!” Had he really learned nothing from that experience? Did he have no hopes for his son that he could express? What an incredible cop out!
There was an era when parents could pretty effectively duck engaging their children about sex because society had rules and taboos consistent and strong enough to be soaked up from the environment. I’m not suggesting this was good but only making the point that in our society and world now, we definitely don’t have that “out.” It’s simply true that today our children have many options and choices open to them - both positive and negative - that earlier generations did not have, or didn’t think they had. Which brings us to the rub about being an adult guide in today’s context. We adults have more options, too. Just a few: To enter and leave relationships and marriages, with few hurdles; to change our residences, jobs and vocation; to invest more or less time in our work and careers; to spend more or less time with our kids. We have choices about the type of television programs, music, movies and internet in our homes. We can pursue/practice religion or other spiritual or moral pathways, or not. There are consumer choices about clothes, toys, and activities for children. Are we OK with little kids mimicking teens and adults? How do we factor in the young people in our lives when we make these decisions?
In my view, as categories of people, neither reds or blues, conservatives or liberals have any edge here. We have stories of irresponsibility that cross the political, religious and ideological spectrum. The essays in Rethinking Responsibility will give you a range of arguments about personal responsibility with some giving more emphasis to individual behavior and moral agency, and others to social ills and inequalities. There are also the familiar differences about where to set the bar in terms of sex and marriage, contraception and abstinence. The essays are cogent and heartfelt, and may be quite helpful for sorting out your views and values if you’re not certain where you stand.
No matter what your views are when you start or end your reading of this booklet, it seems to me there’s this common challenge: If you truly care about the life prospects of young people in your care, or under your influence, your job is to insure that -
- They know you have a strong moral and ethical compass about personal decisions, including sexual behavior, and learn what that compass is.
- They have reason, from experience and observation, to believe you are trustworthy and credible.
- They can rely on you to be “vigilant, sober and present” for them. (Credit to Tom Joyner)
Submitted by: Mary Jacksteit, Ph.D.
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Having read through the essays, I find myself somewhat flummoxed. Why might it be that only one essayist chose to address the toxic influence the entertainment media has on our culture? No reasonable person would argue—would they?—that the media has had a coarsening effect on our culture. Nowhere is this corrosive influence more pronounced then the way the media tends to portray families (dysfunctional), fathers (bumbling), relationships (for the hopelessly out-of-date), sex (casual and without consequences of any stripe), and contraception (nowhere to be found). This is the social script that the media is setting—why should we be surprised that personal responsibility seems to be an afterthought for so many when it comes to relationships and pregnancy planning?
Submitted by: Wonderingly
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The question of personal responsibility should be one of the simplest concepts an individual contemplates in life. It is a choice of whether one is dependent upon others to make decisions for you or if one ascribes to a life of independent action and thinking. To remain completely independent, every choice must take into consideration if a person’s independence will be compromised by the action taken. The decision to engage in unprotected sex is clearly a decision that will significantly impact the individual’s independence.
The simple decision of what time to wake up in the morning or to go to bed at night is effected by the birth of a child. The child’s needs become at least equal to the needs of the parent. Amount of sleep, food purchases, food preparation, mode of transportation, size of housing, clothing purchases, entertainment, relaxation, and much more become choices that are made not as a single independent being, but choices made with a dependent in mind. A child who is hungry at 2 a.m. does not know that the parent just went to bed; it only knows that it is time to eat. A child who has not yet developed strong neck muscles cannot be carried on the motorcycle that the parent saved for years to buy. The frequent trips to the mall for the latest outfit become multiple trips to the store for formula and diapers. The independent individual that once was quickly becomes a person whose continued independent thinking and living would be viewed as selfish, cruel, and in extreme cases criminal. All of this and more can occur because for one moment, one time, in a flurry of emotion, an individual abandons the simplest concept…personal responsibility.
Is it impossible for young men and women to maintain their complete independence by making personal responsibility their secret code to a life full of possibilities and decisions that enhance their quality of life and better prepare them for a time when the addition of a child can be properly supported?
Submitted by: Anon